Week 1

It has been just over a week since I made my resolution of perseverance, and I have to say I am already feeling a lot better about myself especially physically. While I still have quite a ways to go, I am glad that I have started on this journey. For the last three days I have been stuck in a hotel up near fayetteville trying to get out on a flight to Rome. I wish that I had used this time more effectively, but I must admit that much of it was spent lying in the bed and watching NCIS day after day. I do have to say that spending this extra time with my mom before I leave has been such a blessing, and although I wish I could be with my fellow classmates overseas right now, I am truly thankful. I am also overjoyed that Braden will be meeting me at the airport in Atlanta tomorrow. I was a little sad to be making that trip by myself. Also, I am very intrigued to meet 21-year-old Riccardo who will be picking us up in Rome :)

Today while browsing the internet...one of my many mindless activities in the hotel room, i found this quote by one of my favorite authors, and former Batchelor, Jason Illian. It reminded of a question that one of my good friends recently asked me. "How do you know?" (refering to finding the person that you are going to marry) I think this quote answers that question.

***"A successful relationship isn't about YOU! Nearly everyone is trying to find someone to make them happy, trying to get someone to fulfill their needs, trying to meet someone who will complete their life. But that attitude is just the opposite of love. Love is about serving others and wanting what is best for them, even if it doesn't fit into your predefined box about romance. "Self" is the mortal enemy of love, the antithesis of all Christ died for. If YOU are worried about getting what you want, YOUR future relationships are doomed for failure.
Self-satisfaction always leads to self- destruction.

Ride the tilt-a-whirl backwards--try being a servant, a listener, and a friend. Try putting other's interests first and see if the floodgates of heaven don't open up so wide, you can't even begin to hold all the blessings that the Lord bestows upon you.

Just a thought..."***

I think that that is the epitome of true love, and that is how you know. When your relationship is no longer all about what you want and what you need but about wanting to make that other person in your life happy, and when you have found someone who feels the same way about you, then you know you have found the right one.

If you haven't read Jason's book Undressed, I highly recommend it. I think reading his website today inspired me to read it again...for the third time. haha. This book is a keeper.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Today is the day I begin to change. I can't remember the last time I was satisfied in my life. I am tired of sitting by and letting life slip past me. I don't want to live in idleness anymore. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives, and I don't want to go through this life without ever having lived. I want to experience life. I want to change the world. I want to make an impact for the better. What I didn't realize was that everyday I refused to move forward, I was actually slipping closer and closer to the edge. There was a time when my life was full of security, hope, and passion. I want that back. I want to be passionately in love with my Lord, living for him. I don't know how to get there, but I trust my Lord to carry me, and today I am promising to do my part, refusing to sit by and wait. I will make goals every month for the next 3 months to improve myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I fail, I will admit my failure and try again, but never will I stop trying. Lord, be with me today as I seek a place to start. I am sorry for turning away. Thank you for always being there when I turn around. Thank you for never leaving, even when I act like I don't want or need you around.

Happy New Year

I've never been much for New Year's Resolutions...but I think it's time for a change.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop" right???
I'm not the person I want to be.
I'm not happy...not satisfied.
I don't really know what I want...and everything is of question for me.
Things that I once thought were simple seem to be the most complex.
I feel ignorant and I feel stupid.
I want to go back to the way things were...but I know that is not possible anymore.
Once you learn that you're ignorant...you can't have the bliss anymore.
That sucks.
I'm still not ready to let go...to change.
I'm sorry.
My mind is battling inside of itself, and I don't know how to make that go away.
How do you love me through my ignorance?
How do you love me through my pain?
Agape. Love.