Happy New Year

I've never been much for New Year's Resolutions...but I think it's time for a change.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop" right???
I'm not the person I want to be.
I'm not happy...not satisfied.
I don't really know what I want...and everything is of question for me.
Things that I once thought were simple seem to be the most complex.
I feel ignorant and I feel stupid.
I want to go back to the way things were...but I know that is not possible anymore.
Once you learn that you're ignorant...you can't have the bliss anymore.
That sucks.
I'm still not ready to let go...to change.
I'm sorry.
My mind is battling inside of itself, and I don't know how to make that go away.
How do you love me through my ignorance?
How do you love me through my pain?
Agape. Love.