Happy Birthday to Me

20. Where have I come in the last 20 years? Where am I going in the next 20? Life sucks. I mean, am I right here? We run around this world like chickens with our heads cut off searching for the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the perfect friends, the perfect life...and where is it? nowhere within reach. Nothing on this Earth will meet the perfection that each of us are seeking. That only kind of perfection will be found when we leave this world and go to be with the wonderful Creator. As I was driving home tonight, I closed my eyes as I approached the bridge next to my neighborhood, and I thought to myself...wouldn't it be easier to just keep those eyes closed for a few seconds more, and be done with all of this. Then I could be truly happy. Then I could be truly fulfilled...but the truth is that God did not call us to live the easy life. He called us to live the holy life. He created a world in which we would hopelessly seek for something that only he has. He created a world meant to taunt us. As I look back over the last 20 years I am proud of how far I have come, and I am unbelievably ashamed of how little I've grown. On today, the first day of my twentieth year, I give up the one thing I've been holding so tightly that I didn't even know I had it. I give up control...wholly...completely. I surrender it to my Lord and Savior. I pray that as I struggle to let go, and I have no doubt that I will struggle, the Lord will gently be there to show me how to trust in Him. trust in him. I don't know that all of this is very cohesive, and for that I apologize. I do promise, however, that it is 100% honest. This is me. This is me at 20. Happy Birthday to me.