3.29.2008

I'm Not Alright...

I'm broken inside.

There is something so freeing in living on a whim...never tying yourself down, but there is something dreadfully frightening about it also. All the same, I can't help but get this sort of excitement when I think about the future...when I think about the possibilities. Then, I start to get nervous...wondering when all of this will have to come to an end...hoping that I won't find myself upside down in the snow when it is all said and done. Only God knows the outcome...and so on him I must lean, but I am afraid. I am scared to trust him with my future. How is that when I know that he can see what is truly best? I do not know. All I know is that I really know nothing. Give me patience and strenght as I wait for your guidance. Teach me to know you more.

I want to be happy....I want to be more than happy, I want to be joyful...truly satisfied and pleased by the simple things in life. I want that joy and peace. I know that I am not satisfied, but I am trying. I know that it is not until I find contentment that I will gain the future. Teach me to be content. Teach me to live life to the fullest. Teach me to laugh and to truly be filled with joy.

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